Yesterday I ended up pushing too many buttons on the computer and ended up on a face book page of someone in love. Every word was baby this and lover that. There were yoga postures of the couple taken professionally and lots of how great he/she is and all that. I felt a little depressed after looking at it actually. Instead of feeling joy for the couple I felt inadequate and lacking. I wanted to be in the pictures, I wanted to be baby this and lover that. I wanted to be gorgeous and doing impossible poses.
But I’m not any of the above. In fact I’m rather ordinary and being in a relationship for 30 years has a genial sense of closeness but not all the big bang side effects and light show.
When we fall in love we see perfection. Seeing perfection in someone means we see their true nature. Their true nature is the unchanging part of them that is unaffected by age, looks, job or health. We see straight through all that and into their hearts.
Then something happens. We start to see other things. The way they make a strange coughing sound or spill food, they way they are late or forgetful, maybe a smell or two as well. Anyway we stop seeing them for who they really are. We no longer believe they are a prince or a princess, they are the frog again. Maybe we start to drift apart a little or a lot. Maybe we split up or just endure this thing in the house wondering what happened to the frog we kissed.
But it doesn’t have to be like this. We can cultivate these things to keep us seeing straight into another’s heart. Closeness, compassion, patience and acceptance. If we work at these skills in our relationships then we can still look at our partner 30 years on and love the warts even more.
Practice for today: Look at those you are in close relationship with. Try not to judge them for what you consider their failings but look to the good in them. If you have trouble with that think back to how you were when you first felt that pull of love. We can do this for all that cross our path. Kiss the frog, go on.