136: The worst Versions of Myself

KaliWe all have two sides to our being. One is pretty and sparkly and lives in the light. It is our joy, our compassion our love and all things sugar and spice. It is the place where we like ourself and the place we want to show others. This is us on our best behaviour, this is where others ohhh and ahhhh us and bring us boxed chocolates and love.

The other side is a bit prickly and small, it lives deep in shadows and makes random bursting appearances seemingly without control. It is instinct and urges, it is fear and loathing. It is shame and blame.  It makes the chocolates melt and the flowers wilt. We hide it as deep as we can and try to cover it up as best as possible, we are a little afraid of it’s power, it is Kali the warrioress within us. It makes us contract and others retract. It is the dark night of the soul. This side is also the seat of our power and creativity and impetus to go out in the world.

We all have both sides to us and they are both there as our friends. The more we try to deny the dark bits the more they will keep knocking. Where can something like that possibly go? No it stays waiting and vigil ready to ponce.

Here are some ways I try to be friends;

Comparison; Teaching yoga, writing blogs you can’t help to look to the stars, the famous the bright lights and think, wish I could be them. As soon as I do that I crumple, big piles of blubbing useless flesh. Comparison kills creativity and beauty. It makes you see the world through rose coloured specs and it makes you about 2 inches tall.

Medicine: Do my own thing and not worry about what others are doing. Compare only for inspiration. Remember that their journey is not my journey and remind myself that they may be struggling just like me.

Shame; I seem to live in a constant state of believing how I behave is not quite good enough or that could have been done/said better. It displays itself as the words ‘I can’t believe I said or did that’. or I should have……

Medicine. A gentle reminder that I am not the centre of the earth and most people don’t even take on board half the things I say or do. It’s just me thinking that.

Anger; Flashes of lightening bursting out of me when I least expect it. Usually directed at the people I love the most.

Medicine: My anger is not because of them it is already in me. What they do is not what is making me angry it is just a catalyst. When I stop to take this medicine I remember that it’s me, just me and It gives me a chance to see things from a different perspective.

Practice for today; Learn to embrace all parts of your being. The good and the bad. From the least desirable parts come the greatest lessons. What medicine can you take to feed that part of you that is calling for attention? How can you channel the less desirable aspects of yourself to better use?

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