77: Love Bank Balance

love well They say that at the end of your life the judgement of how well you lived lies on how well you loved.I figured that if I died today then there would be a fair number of people at my funeral.That’s just today though, not every day. Some days I think it will be just me there going solo in the crate.

Everyday precious day we go through this life we forget. Yoga is a practice of remembering or waking up. Remembering who you are and forgetting what is not important. Except most days we just forget. We forget that those around us are the most important things in our life, we forget to be nice to ourselves or give ourselves permission to do what we need to do. We forget to be mindful, kind and approachable. We forget the kiss and hug and soft words. We mainly forget because we take it all for granted. My partner and children were her today so they will probably be there tomorrow = I can carry on forgetting for another day.

Sometimes when we love we have it a little screwed. We call going to work for long hours love, because it feeds the family. We call gifts love, because they seem to bring a moment’s pleasure. We call doing things for others love because it relieves some guilt we have or sense of duty. We try to change others out of love because they would be better people. I see my love for my family incessantly piling up with the amount of home cooking I do and I forget to take  time out to just sit or be or talk. My love gets misaligned when the kitchen is dirty or there is no food. If I can’t operate my love cooking machines, I forget to love as well.

When we do things out of love there is often intention behind them. Mostly our acts of love are to receive it back, like a bank balance that never quite balances. We give then we want back. We say but I did this or that therefore I deserve this. When we don’t get what we deserve we become disappointed, bitter, irritated, annoyed. We start making withdrawals from the love bank until we bully our way back into getting what we want. It can be subtle, it can be obvious.

If in theory you want more people at your funeral it is quite simple. You remember. You wake up. You somehow try to take these words out of your vocab. Comparisons, criticisms, control.

Practice for today: Is your way to be loved a long shopping list of unmet needs? Do you love others and yourself in relation to that list. Look at who you love and how you do it. Love is an ever changing process and act of self study.



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